A Love Letter

I fucking love you.

Oh my God.

For so many, many reasons you cannot be replaced.

Do you even know how amazing you are?

Your eyes twinkle when you talk and you smile so widely that I can see myself in your perfect teeth.

You make me melt.

You stand so straight and tall

That of course you demand attention

Who could ignore you?

And who taught you how to do that thing? You spin everything you touch

Or that touches you

Into gold.

Even the bricks they throw you use to build a stage

To build a house

To build a community

To build a staircase, higher and higher and higher than even I believed you could go.

How, when they are cutting at your legs? And spitting at your face? And taking the gold you spun out of shit and telling you it’s theirs?

How do you look so good and proud? You have fallen so many times but are resilient

You will never stop rising from the depths that you were in.

You are so sharp and keen. You have been trained to not miss a step

Or a misstep.

Maybe you learned a long time ago to catch things early. Who taught you that? Is it the fear that you will

Go back? And backward? Is that why you protect what you have so fiercely?

You are a warrior, did you teach me how to command myself like you?

You move so freely and beautifully. No one can dance like you do. Can you tell me the story that no one ever told you, or sing the song your feet do when they stomp?

When they march?

Can your hips talk to mine and tell them why they sway?

All around to deep beats, the drums and voices together, mixed with velvety notes

And tears

And blood

Who taught you to sing like that.

What taught you to sing like that.

Your voice is so piercing and proud, like you didn’t believe it when you are told to be quiet

I love you

Did I mention that?

I tried to leave you before

For what I thought was better.

I thought, anything is better than you.

I will be better than you.

I was proud as I ignored the strength you gave me, the knowledge you taught me, the wisdom you imparted.

I marched off with your confidence and said that I would never look back.

Everyone told me I was right but they were wrong, wrong as hell.

They said congrats! They said you will never look back!

I saw your face. I’ve never seen it like that before

Twisted and beaten.

They lied

Because I never stopped missing you.

But as I stood back so far away I noticed the beauty you exude.

You stand alone and unmatched

How did you do that?

How do you affect me more now that I am not with you? How can you embrace me when I tried to wander so far away?

I realized that you taught me to speak the language you did when you learned how to survive in silence.

I realized that you taught me how to walk the way you do, straight and tall and despite your burdens.

You taught me how to speak with a voice unbroken as if it isn’t filled with tears.

You taught me to dance with joy and passion, how to connect to you through music.

You taught me music! Deep, dark, sultry music that is gritty and beautiful and dirty and alive.

You taught me to question what I am taught, and learn what I am not.

Who told me to hate you?

Who could do that do a thing so wonderful?

How can you celebrate me when I once was ashamed of you? How can you celebrate me when I feel unworthy?

How can you still give when I take, and when she takes, and when he takes?

How did you learn to love so deeply. How did you manage to teach me the same thing.

Your pride gives me confidence. Your strength gives me strength. Your happiness gives me joy.

And boy, are you filled with joy!

And emotion

And resolve

And art that never leaves me.

Things that the world has never seen before

Things that pain creates

That love creates

That power creates.

How did you know you had power

When it was hidden from you for so long?

How did you manage to give it to me, too?

I have so much from you and yet you continue to fill me.

I took you for granted. I never will again.

Why would I ever leave again?

You are so smart, and witty, and inventive, and creative, and powerful, and sexy, and resilient, and flavorful, and loving, and accepting, and confident, and fierce, and smooth, and tough, and fresh, and beautiful, just beautiful!

and nothing like people told me you were

and everything I look up to

and forward to

and aspire to be

you gorgeous

and formidable

Black people.